Friday, March 5, 2010

From My Heart

Well friends it's been one of those weeks! I kept trying to post here and just didn't know what to say. My life has been full of homeschooling, reorganizing, and playing in the warm sunshine with the kids. My heart has also been heavy. Weighed down by hurtful attacks by others against loved ones.

I've spent many hours this week in prayer and reflection. I've rallied to remember I am a follower of Jesus and should act accordingly. Whenever feelings of anger over the situation have consumed me I have sought peace in prayer. I pray not only for my family, but for the offenders. I know that I can not change their hearts or minds, that only God can do that. So I pray.

Then early this morning yet another kick in the gut. A betrayal by someone who was considered a friend. Who we invited into our home on several occasions, celebrated the birth of their child, and brought food to when they were in need. A person who has been given every excuse in the past for their sometimes rude behavior and been given the benefit of the doubt by my loved one. Turns out they have been spreading hateful untruths about my loved one to anyone who would listen over the last year. Even as we were welcoming them into our home they were full of hatred.

I was blinded by feelings of anger and betrayal. How dare these people spew hatred, spread untruths, and hurt a good man. How dare they! Through my own haze of hate and thoughts of what I was going to say to this person when I saw them I heard a voice. It very clearly said, "Remember my walk." I sat with head bowed and felt very humbled. Did Jesus not walk a path filled with hatred, betrayal, and untruths? And yet he forgave and kept walking. He walked right to his death. To die for those same people that hurt him, so that they might have life.

During this Lenten season I am trying to remember that. I know that there is no room in my heart for anger and bitterness. I humbly ask for your prayers. I know that forgiveness must be given to lift this burden off my family. I also know that this is such a small sacrifice for an amazing gift given to me on a Friday long, long ago.


Pat's Place said...

Sounds like a Lenten season full of learning. But what an unfortunate way to learn those lessons. I will keep y'all in my prayers.

Warren Baldwin said...

We are most hurt by those we have most helped. I'm not sure why it is, but it seems like people who are on the receiving end of another's generosity often turn against the hand that fed them. I think it may be b/c they lack self-esteem and basic Christian gratitude, and they begin to resent that they needed help, and thus resent the one who helped them. That is just a theory of mine; I don't know for sure if it is true. But, Cheryl and I have had numerous experiences like that through our 28 years of ministry together in 3 different churches. People we have taken into our home (on more than one ocassion), provided free water to for 18 months from our well until they could get their own, counseled with, etc., later turned on us. And, not just us, but others in the church as well. I think receiving prolonged help makes them feel dependent and they don't like that feeling. They want the help (and some would have taken more if we hadn't said 'enough'), but they want to be in charger.

This is part of what it means to bear the cross. You are bearing one now. But it means you are doing what you know to be right and godly, so don't despair!

John Ortberg suggests we meet each person with the question in mind, "Lord, help me to see this person through your eyes." It helps me to do that sometimes, although it is mighty hard, too!

Take comfort in knowing that you are the one being abused for having done righteously, rather than being the one who is abusive.

God bless.

Note: On Bible Fountain, another blog of mine, I have an article about one hurtful personality - the mocker.


Nancy said...

What a horrible thing to have to go through. You have chosen the right path when you look to Jesus as your example. Our loved ones are so precious and I feel for you. I will pray for a resolution of this situation and peace for you. You are loved by your Heavenly Father.

T. Anne said...

I'm glad you found the way to peace through Christ. I've been having the same kind of week and I tell you it is nothing short of an attack. Stay strong, have peace.

Kara said...

Thank you so much Pat, Warren, Nancy and T. Anne. Your words are a comfort, along with your prayers. And I'll share them with my family:)

Jessica said...

Oh girl, I'll definitely be praying for you. I had some major anger earlier this week so I have an inkling of what you're going through. JUst keep on remembering Jesus. He'll pull you through. :-)

Kara said...

Thank you Jessica!

Small Town Mamma said...

Oh, Kara. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Forgiveness IS hard. But I guess it can be harder still, to hold on to your anger.


Kara said...

Thanks Sasha!!