Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Writing Your Love Story

I’m in the business of writing love stories. I’m also an avid reader of them as well. But I’ve come to realize the love story I enjoy writing the most is my own personal one.

Sometimes, as a writer, I struggle with plots and characters. I get bogged down in the conflict and story arch. All the technical stuff weighs heavily on my fingers as I try to type out the perfect story, the one everyone is dying to read. Struggling with the fact that my writing techniques are far from flawless, I get frustrated and worn down. There are times I have wanted to quit. Times I have walked away from the story. Put it on the shelf to come back to later. I tell myself I’m neglecting too many other things in my life to sit at the computer and write. Sadly, this can be said of my love story with my husband as well.

In my marriage, at times, I have gotten worn down. I have become tired of the constant effort it takes to have a successful union with my husband. I have kids to take care of, dogs to look after, household chores and errands to run. I have put my marriage on the shelf, too busy tending to other things. I’m a busy momma, who can argue with that?

Then there have been times when I have given it everything I thought I had, only to find failure. My husband failed me, I failed myself, or life failed us in some significant way. Failure and quitting, they go hand in hand, right?


Every successful writer talks of the roadblocks and rejection letters that were flung out before them. But they also talk about how the passion for their writing endured. The failures led to more passion, more focus on how to better their writing.  Failures, yes. Quitting, no. This, too, can be said of marriage.

At some point I realized that the failures in my marriage were actually an opportunity.  An opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes the learning process took much longer than I would have liked. At times the failure had to be repeated several times before my husband and I “got it”. But “got it” we did and the passion was reignited.  Passion for one another and our marriage. 

I’ve learned that many things can be neglected. Laundry, dishes, grocery shopping are just a few on my list. But what can’t be neglected is my love story. Each day is a chance for me to write a new chapter, make each word count. And all you writers know, we count each word dearly!

I’ve been asked by some to share about my marriage. I’m humbled by that request and hope to blog about it once a week, along with my writing and my crazy family life. It’s all part of the story, my love story that is.

What is your biggest obstacle when writing your love story?


Terri Tiffany said...

I loved this post:) I could so relate about looking at obstacles in our marriage as opportunities.
The biggest obstacle for me in writing a real love story is making sure it is real and not too out there.

Kara said...

Thanks and I agree Terri. Sometimes when writing love stories I want it to be too perfect, but we all know that would not do our stories justice:)

Rebeckah Adcock said...

Listening to what is REALLY being said. So often the real problem is not the alleged problem, uncovering that early in the debate is a skill only required with years of experience, but, man does it make life and obstacles esaier to overcome!

Kara said...

Rebeckah, you are so right! Early on I was good at making up problems to combat the real problems. Now if I start that Scott jumps in and says something like "What you're really upset about is..." Makes the hurdles much easier to clear:)

Pat's Place said...

Such important lessons to learn. The funny thing is that I keep having to learn then over and over again--or maybe it is somewhat new each time! Life is such a challenge!

Nancy said...

You are such a busy person, but I love the way you have your priorities in order. I am amazed at how well you do. Keep it up.

Jennifer Shirk said...

That is so true and such a lovely analogy with writing. There are obstacles in everything in life, including our marriages, but the point is to learn from the setbacks to make it stronger.