Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Whoops, that's my nursing pad on your shoe!

I thought about describing exactly what a nursing pad is, but then I figured if you don't know you probably don't need to read this post:) So here's the thing. I'm so happy to nurse my babies, but those little pesky nursing pads turn up in the darnedest places. Sometimes I believe that they sprout legs and take off when I'm not looking, only to reappear when it is least expected.

One day late last fall my parents were visiting when the weather started to turn wintry. We were under a freeze warning and by the the cold wind that started whipping through that afternoon we believed it would get below 32. My garden was full of green tomatoes and I just couldn't stand to see them go to waste. So my dear Dad and I bundled up to pick the last of my garden. With heavy jackets we braved the gusty northern wind and made it to the garden. As the wind whipped and whirled around us we dutifully picked the green vegetables (technically they are fruits, I know) with numbing fingers. At this point I would like for you to know that the rest of my family was sitting inside warm and cozy, just wanted to point that out.

I bent down to pick some that were hiding underneath when suddenly the wind swirled around me with such force it took my breath away. Standing up to catch my breath I saw something white fluttering through the air, could it be? Yes, it was. My nursing pad. I watched as it gracefully twirled around my dad's head and took off to parts unknown. The wind was howling so loud I couldn't really hear my dad, but being the lip reader I am I made out, "Was that your nursing pad?" My Dad knows about these things, he can't help it with a family full of women. I nodded and burst out laughing. Who knew that the wind could actually rip the pad right from underneath my shirt, crazy huh?

There are pads nesting all over my house: in couch cushions, bed sheets, dryers, car seat, popping out of pant legs etc. I don't know how, it just happens. My theory is that they are multiplying. What was that movie with the little creatures and if you got them wet they multiplied, Gremlins? Or maybe when they got wet they turned evil, oh heck I don't remember. The point is they are everywhere. WB is blind to them. One could fall out of my shirt into his Granola and he wouldn't blink an eye. I think he feels it is impolite to notice any womanly products, which absolutely cracks me up. It's sorta sweet, but I laugh because he lives in a house of four females, he's going to have to start wearing blinders to not notice all the girly things that will be popping up.

Anyway, as they fall off my body at inconvenient times it's no wonder that one day as I was struggling with a hysterical five year old after having blood drawn while holding Little One, one of the suckers fell out onto the floor. The waiting room was full of men and as I quickly looked around I noticed no one seemed to see the blaring white orb on the floor. But before I could snatch it up a man walked by forcing me to step back. My eyes grew large as I watched a designer loafer step on the pad and carry it away. I stared at his dark suit as he walked to the desk, nursing pad stuck to his heel, making a fashion statement he wasn't even aware of. I envisioned myself tapping him on the shoulder and saying, "Excuse me but you have my nursing pad on your shoe." Or "Whoops, that white thing stuck on your shoe belongs in my bra." No, no that sounds like some sort of pick up line. Unfortunately, my two children needed my attention more than the gentleman with the...aah accessory on his shoe, so I left the office hoping the darn thing would just fall off on its own. I have no idea where that one ended up!

And when Little One reached about 6 months she became aware of them. As I would sit discreetly nursing her in a public place she would snatch the pad in her little fist, ripping it off waving it in the air like she was surrendering to all in sight. Needless to say that this ended our stealthy nursing sessions.

I know, I know soom of you just couldn't imagine how exciting life while nursing could be, could ya?!!


Pat's Place said...

Oh, gosh! How could I have FORGOTTEN those experiences! What memories you stirred up for me!

Smockity Frocks said...

This is hysterical! One time, when I was still teaching school, one of mine fell out right in front of my class full of 4th graders! HORRORS!

Kara said...

Connie that is hilarious...yes these memories we shall treasure forever!

fairenuff said...


I used to find that mine would slowly creep up and wave at the public indiscriminately. Sadly the public often noticed before I did! It's a good job I have no pride!